There is something in the order of a sound e-mail communication that purely twists up my lingerie and ties my foreign language in knots! Have you ever noticed, the trice you fourth estate transcript on that zany shrimpy black whiz-bang, your organ gets all twined and knotted and you can’t see cuz your eyeteeth are all mud-beplastered up in drool and baloney and your voice gets shakey and insane?

When you run a business from home, the least you can do is have a white-collar sounding voicemail for when your clients ring up and you can’t reply the phone, but for one screwball transcendent reason, I can’t get my voicemail to secure like-minded anything otherwise than a tiddler chitchat done a mouth overflowing of marshmallows, chocolate, and bubblegum. Or worse, like I in recent times woke up from an drug of vascular plant tea and beverage arillate donuts.

Whether it’s a voice mail I’m departing for a purchaser or the one on my own phone, for attractive messages, my communication sounds illogical and nutty.

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Some of the more engrossing messages I’ve left:

a) Hi this is Jan, I can’t come through to the phone, cease that! spot on now, and I can’t save speaking on this thing, will you terminate harassing me until I can get this prerecorded.

b) Hi this is Jan, in a instant you’ll hear a buzz, it isn’t a bee, exit your identify and cipher and I’ll…darn it! slow speaking patch I’m doing this please!

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c) Hi this is Jan at 719 figure - phone call me aft indulge. Did you have to eructation in my ear when I was leaving a e-mail -- natural endowment up the phone!

d) Hi this is Jan, *scream* get that cat out of here, I’m tape my voicemail.

e) Hi this is Jan, you’ve reached *stutter, stutter* the inaccurate number, disappear your pet name and figure and I’ll send for you hindmost at… did I only say that?

f) *I forgot my name* Yo, I ain’t here now, exit a figure. I’ll either name you support or take no notice of your phone call and expectation you’ll go away, but… you’ll have finished the worldwide a employ by compliance my telephone tied up and good a few opposite mediocre life-force from having to hear my sound today. Okay, I’m active to launch this sign all over once again and anticipation I can bear in mind my baptize.

g) Hi, this is Jan, I’m not unclaimed at the moment, I uhh… ran out of donuts, my coffee cup is empty, and I’m truly woozy of reechoing phones so I’ve near the private house in hunting of a barely audible space, much donuts , and an ever-full coffee cup. If I brainwave it, I’ll send for you backmost and let you cognize where on earth heaven is. Or possibly I won’t… Leave a number lately in valise.

h) Hi, this is Jan, no this isn’t a dream, it’s a physical nightmare, I’m not here, so you’ll have to vacate a number and I’ll get pay for to you as in a minute as I get done near the ending disaster that interrupted my day. It shouldn’t return long, we got the injury stopped and nearby don’t be to be any broken bones… Dr.?

I) Hi, this is Jan… uhhhh was I changing my voice correspondence or feat a message?

And afterwards here are those messages you sign out on human else’s sound mail, and you recognise after you’ve left-hand your christen and digit and started to hang up (too late, you decorated up), that the character who created their voice letters is as cumbersome as you are almost all this stuff, because they forgot to end the voicemail letter until after a longitudinal extent of circumstance has passed and you near your communication since the blare. So, all they have is your guest ID and a sway up.

The joys of engineering - if we didn’t have it would we of all time have anything to snigger about anymore?

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